


The Laundromat

by shinyfire



Series: what Erik and Nandor do in the shadows [2]
Category: Le Fantôme de l'Opéra | Phantom of the Opera & Related Fandoms, What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Gen, Laundromat, Pharoga - Freeform, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:02:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26619397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinyfire/pseuds/shinyfire
Relationships: Erik | Phantom of the Opera/The Persian, Erik | The Phantom of the Opera & Nandor The Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)
Series: what Erik and Nandor do in the shadows [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954612
Comments: 21
Kudos: 17





	The Laundromat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [paperandsong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperandsong/gifts).



Guillermo is standing outside in the street. It is night.

Beyond him, in the bright white light of the laundromat, can be seen Nandor and Erik.

“Yes, we’ve all come here together tonight.” He gives a nervous laugh. “Usually they just send me to do the laundry but – Erik here – “ he turns and gestures towards the laundromat, “Tonight, he wanted to come with me. To make sure I did it correctly.” He smiles awkwardly. “So there’s that. And of course, my master had to come with him. So, here we all are!”

Guillermo smiles again and walks away towards the laundromat. He goes in. The camera crew follow him.

As he enters, Nandor says, “Guillermo, Guillermo, we have been here so long and still the big hot machine is whirling. How long will we have to wait for it to be finished? We do not have all night!”

“Master, it depends on how much money you put in it. The more you put in, the longer it will go – “

Erik has his long bony hands against the glass of the drier. He is in his shirtsleeves. “I do not want it to stop. It is warming my hands. My cold hands of death. My cold hands of death that YOU, Nandor, made so much worse by TURNING ME.”

“You are not still going on about that are you? If I hadn’t turned you, you have would been a cold corpse of death long ago. At least you get to put your cold hands against the churning tunnel of warmth. And warm them up a little bit.”

“You made me into a LIVING DEATH – “

Nandor says the to the camera with a little smile, “he gets like this sometimes – “

“All I wanted to do was DIE. I was dying, Nandaroga, and you stopped me. Dying of LOVE. And now she is DEAD - lost to me forever - “

“Yes, yes. And now you have me!”

“Stuck with YOU for all of eternity – an eternity without HER! Oh, what solace you have brought me, what endless consolation, you great towering buffoon of a man!“

Nandor smiles again at the camera, “he’s not always like this – Guillermo! The heated spinny chamber is slowing down!”

Guillermo goes towards Erik. It is clear he is wary of him. “Erik – would you mind if – if I – “

“Do not touch me, tiny clown, or I shall GAROTTE you. I will not be ordered around by that great FOOL of a Nandor. There is still heat in this glass that I will HAVE.”

Nandor and Guillermo stand and watch Erik at the tumble drier. It is an awkward silence.

He is a very odd man.

Eventually, Nandor says quietly, “I think he is in a bad mood because Nadja and Laszlo and Elvis were singing - “

“I am not in a BAD MOOD. And they were not singing! They were vomiting sound! It was a disgusting show of execrable wailing – “

“Erik – you’re doing it again – hello! Stop it! Anyway, the tumbling can of heat has stopped now – Guillermo, open the door!”

Erik flings himself away from the drier and stands in the corner, facing away from everyone, arms wrapped tightly around his body, but sometimes looking over his shoulder at Guillermo. No one knows why.

Guillermo grabs the laundry bag and opens the drier door. He starts to empty the laundry into the bag and pulls a small piece of black felt from the drier.

Erik sees this and jumps across the floor. “Give it to me, cardigan-boy!”

He grabs the felt from Guillermo and buries his masked face in it, giving a great shout of anguish.

Nandor and Guillermo watch him, puzzled.

Eventually, Nandor says, “whatever is the matter, Erik?”

Erik looks up from his sobbing. “It was my cloak, you great ninny – the cloak in which I wrapped my LIVING WIFE when I brought her to my house of her OWN FREE WILL – _he_ has SHRUNK it!“

“Erik, do we have to go through this all again? It was a long time ago. She was a lovely girl, but I had thirty-seven wives and I have forgotten thirty-five of them. Even though leaving them made me very sad – “

“She was an innocent ANGEL – my cloak was all I had to remind me of her – “

“Well, that is not exactly true – you have the big music that you wrote all about her and the three thousand pictures that you’ve drawn of her – “

“I can no longer WRAP myself in the cloak that once I WRAPPED around her – “

“Oh, calm down Erik. You haven’t done that since nineteen seventy-three!”

Erik screams in frustration and launches himself at Guillermo. “ _I will kill you!_ ”

Nandor intercepts Erik pins him by the chest up against the washers. “Hey! Hey! That’s not very nice! What have I told you? We don’t attack our familiar – “

Guillermo runs from the laundromat with the laundry bag.

“Let Erik go! You ridiculous CLOD of a man!

“Only if you promise not to attack Guillermo. He is a very good familiar!”

“He has ruined my life! Death!”

“Erik! You can wrap yourself in me – “

Erik’s yellow eyes open very wide and he stops struggling.

“Oh – _yes_ \- “

Nandor says to the camera, still pressing Erik against the machines, “he made a coffin big enough for both of us. He likes me to lie on top of him. It helps him to keep still.”

And then he puts his face very close to Erik’s. “Don’t. Eat. Guillermo.” And releases him.

Erik rushes out into the street laughing maniacally. “Promises are for fools!”

He becomes a bat.

Nandor sighs. “He is a very difficult man. He always has been. And then he forgets himself and gets all caught up with his strange memories of the singing girl.

“He is very ungrateful, all the things I have done for him. Fucking guy.”


End file.
